but i don't know the tune yet and i only have some of the words. there's still a few weeks before the october rush is on...the rush of pink. after scanning the latest addition of "O" magazine, i noticed there was an awful lot of ribbons (and i do mean awful)... the ads were too much, especially the "shatter breast cancer" with the newest "shatter pink" nail polish. you just can't beat that...
the song will have to be funny, because lord knows you don't want cancer to be a downer...and it has to have a tune we all know, i just don't know what that is yet. "thanks for the mammaries?"...nah...but there's got to be plays on those breast cancer words - warrior- survivor - fighter - inspiration - courageous - bold... and oops, i better not forget -fearless...hmmm, without fear, very impressive.
i haven't posted much lately because we've been busy. mitchell's relatives visited, which was as lovely as always, and even included a spa and reflexology treatment for mitchell and i. the masseuse was from china and when i explained to him about my cancer and that i couldn't have regular massages anymore, the feeling in the little room changed. a spiritual component seemed to emerge...he told me in broken english, to not ask "why me" and not to complain (a little too late for that)...but i got what he meant.
right before he came to get me, i was in the spa room reading the yoga journal. i used to have a subscription for that one. i saw the beautiful postures which were once mine and i felt sad. this was the same day that mitchell and his sister and brother in law took a hike and i met them at the hotel because i couldn't do that hike, the one i used to love doing. i tried to walk up the 3 flights of stairs instead of taking the elevator, because i never take the elevator...correction - i never took the elevator...but after the second floor, i got into one...that was a difficult reckoning for me.
so i was looking at all the beautiful yogis in the magazine and i started feeling sorry for myself. but when the masseuse worked on my feet and said what he said, i got okay again. i remembered that my aunt never walked a day in her life, and i remembered that i did get to practice yoga for many years...
i took it easy during the days they were here so that i could go out at night with the group. on september 11th i watched pretty much every documentary that was on. there's something about shared pain that heals and puts everything into perspective...
the other night frank took us to the new rita moreno show. we were in the first row, which has benefits but also challenges. she was so close that i felt a responsibility. she looked in my eyes and i needed to respond. i would nod and sometimes i found myself saying "wow", or "yes" so that she could hear. i also ended up fighting with mitchell during intermission, because he fell asleep and he was literally right in front of her. why do i feel responsible for what someone else does...i really need to get over that...i enjoyed the old hollywood stories, hearing about her relationship with marlon brando, and her dating elvis just to get brando jealous...you know about my celebrititis - and this is hollywood history so it was especially exciting...
and then today it was back to work. i started training the new girls for the program. each one cried when she told her story. they're all so cute and so young and in an ideal world, wouldn't have had such a tough childhood. i had a feeling, as i do every year, that there is hope for each one of them, that we can set goals for the future, and help each other not feel so alone. that's one of the best things about the program. after the meeting, one girl walked up to another, who had just told us about growing up with drug addicted parents...she said, "i feel you, it's like you were telling my story"...and the girl who was just crying, started to smile...
Wave ~I have been away from reading - caught up now...you have been thru the wringer and good changes too. love your candidness, humor, pain and joy (as always, when I come back) - your blogging gets me with that huge frog stuck in my throat! I can't stand the frog - I want to bury my face -but the connection is there and I can't stop reading on and then I laugh and smile --love to you xo
Posted by: Debora Yee | September 18, 2011 at 04:30 PM