oh, positive...that's me...

when i first walked in, the rooms smelled and i was just thinking, this isn't me, i don't belong here...i didn't like where the recliner was because it was right next to the trash. it all felt so wrong...then i looked at the other people getting their chemo or their blood, and i knew that no one felt like they belonged in this place. no one wanted to be there...that calmed my inner critic and complainer.  feeling like we're all somehow in this together changes a lot inside my mind...but i was still nervous.  

deborah came and began jin shin on me right before the transfusion started. that was the perfect antedote.  i feel so fortunate to have her in my life...the first blood i received seemed mellow to me. i imagined it came from a calm woman.  i was very aware that i was taking in the blood of another human being.  the first one went quicker than expected, only 1 and 1/2 hours. the second blood was from a different person and i swear i could tell the difference. this one was a male, and much more intense.  i felt my heart pumping and my blood pressure went up.  and last night i dreamed that i was in a club in new orleans.  i liked the feeling in the club and when i woke up i was sure that i was given the blood of a black man.  when i told mitchell that, he laughed and said i was crazy.  i asked him why he never believes any of my cosmic intuitions and he said i should just ask my "community" (that would be you) about it and see what they (you) think.  then he made a bunch of jokes...i still believe me.  i also dreamed that i had copper colored hair.  i think that had to do with the trace minerals i was given.  the thing is, i can't prove any of this, but mitchell can't disprove it either...so there...

the day before the transfusion i saw the oncologist.  well, actually, i saw 3 of them along with a nurse practitioner.  it's a teaching clinic and i was the lesson.  basically, she said the same stuff. my blood will continue to get worse unless i try a chemo.  she said she'd give me a low dose and if i hated it, i could discontinue.  that all made sense except when i got home and read about her recommended chemo and then spent yesterday in that infusion room...i don't know.  i really don't know what to do now. i'm hoping it gets clearer as the days go on.

in the traffic on the way home i looked up tibetan buddhism and blood transfusions (mitchell was driving). in some religions transfusions are a no-no, but in this one, it's okay.  it's all about people helping each other...i came across a story that touched me and i wanted to share it with you...

A little girl was ill in hospital with a rare blood disorder and was badly in need of a blood donor but a match could not be found. As a last resort, her six year old brother was checked as a match and much to everyones relief, he was. 
Both his mother and Doctor sat the little boy down and explained how they would like his blood to help his sister so she would not die. 
The little boy waited a few moments then asked if he could think about it. 
It wasn't the reaction the mother or Doctor expected but they agreed...... 
The following day the little boy sat in front of the Doctor with his mother and said he agreed to give his sister what she needed. 
The hospital staff moved quickly for his sister was fading quite fast. 
So the little boy could understand what was happening, he was placed in a bed next to his sister and so the transfusion began. Quickly, the colour and life began flooding back into the little girl and every one was over joyed. 
The little boy turned to the Doctor and quietly asked, "How long will it be before I die?"

You see, the little boy thought that by giving his blood, he was giving his own life, which is why he took a little time to think about it..........

 

Comments

[lynnie]

I am totally on board with what you are saying Wave. I posit that our DNA carries "memories", hence the existence of "DNA memory" and that perhaps past life memories are actually that. Blood is "alive", it's been in our bodies, I don't see any reason why it can't carry "memory." Hope your treatment helps you to feel better. And I love the story of the little boy, how wonderful. Love you.