i feel saddened by amy winehouse's death. i was washing dishes when i heard mitchell say "oh my god"... later, he wondered why he was more affected by her death than what happened in norway. i said it was because we "knew" her. i mean, not really, but we knew her story and her music. we liked her style...that girl group sound mixed with soul was right up my alley.
i've been thinking about the "whys" of her life. i only know what everyone else knows about her...and i know something about addiction. if i was her friend or a family member, i might feel more judgmental than i do, but she never hurt me personally...from this distance, it's easier to understand the hopelessness a person feels after messing up over and over again...how you can just give up trying.
it's like doing well on a diet for a month, but then you have that dessert and then you blew it again, so you have 2 desserts, and then you give up all together because you failed. i get that, because i am that...
i imagine that amy did try sometimes, but just couldn't commit to it. giving something up forever must have seemed like too long a time...and who knows what the deep trouble was...
the world is harsh, and once you find your particular distraction or sedation, it's really a leap to say no and keep to it, especially for some future pay off or fulfillment...
i have my own struggles with addiction, and i've gone off course many times. fortunately, i tend to get to a point where i turn it around and start again...at least that's how it's gone so far...
we went to see the sf mime troupe this afternoon, a political satire theater group, (no mimes are actually involved). they put on a free musical every summer in bay area parks...i've probably seen 20 of them.
we sat on the grass while the troupe, as always, tried to inspire the people to unite - to fight corporate greed, war, pollution, and all the other stuff that messes up our world...some of their effort made me sad, as i imagined them pushing a big rock up a mountain...but in the end, i know how important it is to fight the good fight, regardless of how it unfolds...to try, and try again...
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