i woke up with a sore throat and tried to cancel the mask making, (any excuse would have done) but i couldn't find the number, so i figured it would just be best to get it over with.
i met lisa at the hotel for our last breakfast before heading to the airport. i got to the hospital early and took a quarter of xanyx before the appointment. my cyberknife doctor, her intern, the radiologist, and a physicist were all there dealing with little (not really) ole me.
they knew i was claustrophobic and did everything to make it as easy as possible. right before the material to make the mask was put on my face, the cyberknife lady asked if i wanted a hand to hold. that got me teary eyed, as i explained to her that i didn't like to ask people to go to scans with me after all these years, but it would be nice to have a hand to hold...i warned her that my hands were clammy and she said hers were cold and then she took my hand and held it tight...
the soft mask (which felt like a hot washcloth) covered my whole face and neck and it was uncomfortable as it hardened. i could feel my neck pulse really intensely. after that, the radiologist took it off and cut out holes for my nose and eyes, which made the rest of the time less creepy. the scan lasted only a few minutes, but the cyberknife will take around 45. they said i could bring music to listen to, and i told them i usually just use the time for praying...i think i'll need more than a quarter xanyx that day...for some reason i felt like taking this picture to show you.
yesterday was 180 degrees away from maskmaking...we drove to sonoma and spent the afternoon at francis ford coppola's winery. we rented a cabine (that's what they call it), hung by the pool, played bocci ball, ate good old fashioned spicy meatballs and got really silly in the film museum...mitchell had a few godfather moments that will undoubtedly be lost in translation, but i'll share anyway...it was the godfather's desk and chair used in all the movies. no one was supposed to touch it, but mitchell didn't see the sign...really dumb and goofy but it cracked me up....
the stand out the day before was going to benu, a very fancy restaurant that mitchell wanted to try...the waiter told me what the champagne choices were, and i asked him to bring which ever one he thought i might like. it wasn't the kind of place that you ask how much things cost, but after i tasted mine, i looked at the benu wine menu...my little bubbly glass was 45 bucks... i'm not much of a drinker, but i didn't waste a single drop. the food was beautifully unique. i think it was the most original i ever had. it took a minute for me to really get into each dish, but everything tasted better and better after each bite. we took only one picture, (flashes aren't appropriate in dem kinda places)...it felt like a los angeles or new york city restaurant to me, but i imagine it felt like a restaurant from mars to lisa.
the first day after my sister-in-law arrived was the record breaker for the most bay area rain in june. what a depressing way to begin a vacation. fortunately, my friend deborah gave her a jin shin treatment, which she loved, and then we did a walking tour of the famous mission dolores church. not being sure what to do after that, i drove through the storm to north beach for an italian lunch...then we just gave up and came home to watch a movie. each day got better from there, and all in all it was a lovely little trip.
the saturday before, michael and kevin were visiting, and i went from feeling really crappy to feeling alive and pretty darn well after just a short time being together. i had just written my last post which was a big bummer, and i felt like i had to go back and change it and apologize for sounding so bad, and tell you all that i felt very much alive again...but i didn't have time to write... i need to be around life affirming peeps and laughter...it was, as it always is with these guys, loving, funny and easy...
that same night i received a somber message on my machine...mary bannon had died. i often write about my friends, "the sisters"...mary was their mother, and what a character she was. unforgettable... when mitchell and i first moved in together it was a shaky time. within minutes of meeting us she turned to mitchell and said, "so, do you love her?"...i was really embarrassed and very insecure about how he'd respond...but that's how mary was. whatever she was thinking, was what she was sharing. (which is both refreshing and not, depending on the who, what and where of it)...a few months later, my parents were visiting for the first time, and we were hosting a brunch. i asked mair, (her oldest daughter) to tell mary not to say anything too personal like that in front of my parents... mary came to the brunch and didn't say one word the whole day. that would teach me to try and put restraints on her voice...i liked mary a lot. she was an original. when i was rediagnosed, i opened a card from her that came out of the blue...there was a check enclosed for a thousand dollars along with her prayers for my well being. mary raised 8 children, after her husband died...and all of the ones i know are lovely, unique and kind...she did good...rest in peace mary bannon...
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