in some worlds no news is good news, but not in mine...at least not in my mind. i just want to know what it is already. i can do okay for about a day after a scan, but the day after that, forget about it...the wait weighs on me... i usually don't call or write anyone until after i hear but i know there's a few of you waiting too, so i wanted to tell you so that you can know, that i don't know.
why haven't i gotten over worrying about the inevitable. i don't know. why the continuation of scans if i'm not planning on other treatment...i don't know that either. (i would get radiation if it would stop the pain or a fracture from happening.) lately, this headachey thing is really bothering me. it doesn't go away. it's kind of sinus like, but it stays in one spot, which can't be good...there's a part of me that really doesn't want to know about this particular thing. can't i put my head in the sand...and, if i could, would that stop the ache...
last night i had a dream that i saw my father. he looked good and i said, "dad i thought you were dead"...and he said, "i am"...and that's all i can remember of it.
on another note, i've been reading the book "open heart" by the dalai lama...i've had it on the shelf for a long time but that never guarantees a read. the other night i was laying in bed unable to sleep. i was thinking about all the suffering in the world...it felt overwhelming...i've never been able to understand why every being has to suffer...i decided to pull a book off the shelf just to pass the time and that was the one. i opened it to a chapter about suffering and the ways to develop compassion to relieve suffering...it's now my number one go to book...
more to tell soon...
I have a bulging disc at the L5 - S1 area in my lower back which causes considerable pain down the entire sciatic nerve. My father suggested using the Tiger Balm (http://tigerbalm.50webs.com) pain patches. They give immense relief to even the most intolerable days. I have highly recommended this product to my friends. One added extra is the menthol and camphor helps to relieve my sinus problems at the same time!
Posted by: Bette | June 17, 2011 at 08:17 AM