slow moving progression, that's how my oncologist put it... i received the report before we actually communicated, and i nearly had a heart attack when i read it...(oh the irony of it all)...at the bottom there was an "alert" which said...
"Prominent enhancement within the left proximal M1 segment of the middle cerebral artery likely represents the technical artifact of volume averaging. This appearance could be seen, however, with an intracerebral aneurysm, and further evaluation can be obtained with magnetic resonance angiography or CT angiography of the brain if clinically indicated.
holy toledo...s-c-a-r-y...at least to me...my oncologist wasn't worried. she thought it was related to an artifact, which as i understand it, is some kind of error due to movement or other issue related to the scan process...but i spoke to my radiation oncologist and cyberknife specialist, who i rely on very much. she checked the scan before this one and said this same thing was there then. she guesses that it may have been here for years. hmmm, i asked if in my situation, we would even do anything about it if it was an aneurysm...she wasn't sure, but she offered to bring my case to the tumor board later this week...i've never been a case for the tumor board...mitchell started teasing me about how excited i was to be a case study, but frankly, i'd prefer just being a run of the mill girl right now...
the other parts of me, like liver, and lungs all are the same, but the bones are hard to read on a pet/ct scan. one or two seem to be worse, but the mri next week will give us better pictures...and maybe a better picture (fingers crossed)...so, i'm not stable, but i'm not too bad either...i'll take it. what else is there to do...
it was a nerve wracking day, waiting...and as the hours wore on, i was getting more edgy. after my jin shin appointment i went to pack up a few things from work...i've been going to that building for 15 years...i felt a heavy heart, but i barely saw anyone i knew, only new staff, which made it easier to leave...
during the weekend we went up to the summer camp where sam is interning. he is my favorite chef... a contemplative man. sam, if you remember, was the chef at my party and the chef for the dalai lama when he visited.
mitchell wanted to stay over night and camp, but i was happy to take the 1.5 hour drive and come home that night to my cozy. so mitchell took his motorcycle and i got in my car with my mapquest directions...it took me 3 hours to get there. i don't know how the heck i ended up where i did, but i do know i am a terrible navigator. i always get lost along the way. more than once i decided to turn around and go home...but it was sam on the other end and that kept me driving. when i finally arrived it was raining so we stayed in and talked the whole time. and then sam cooked us a meal...an incredible aryuvedic lunch. i tell you, if sam was my personal chef, i'd be healthy, or at least i'd believe i was healthy...i'd also be slim, as slim as him...he is a natural...like a priest or monk, a holy man (that's how i see him)...it was so uplifting just to hang out together.
yesterday i took myself to a movie while mitchell went hiking. "midnight in paris" was a delight...a beautiful fairy tale...later, we went out to dinner with his friends and their teenaged daughters. i looked at the younger girl, remembering that i held her on her first day of life. now she's in makeup and heels...geez, nothing slow about that...the conversation turned to facebook and friending. the father of the family, the most ethical man i know doesn't use fb, except for one thing. his daughter is on it, so she is his only friend...anyway, as we spoke about friending, not friending, and defriending. he pointed out something to me...he said defriending is an assertive, decisive act, that can cause hurt. there are other options, like "hiding" a person (if you don't want their updates) or just ignoring what is uninteresting to you...and for some reason, probably the way he explained it i began to feel bad about my many defriendings. i wish i could apologize to anyone i've hurt by my delete actions...no more defriending from this girl...
like i said earlier, i'm not a very good navigator...i get lost a lot...perhaps, slowly but surely i will do better...
and speaking of friends, today sabina turns 50...we barely see each other, but there's a real connection...we lived as neighbors in the old days, and we share so many of the same likes in music and culture...she's been such a supporter of this blog and my life in general...i think our hearts are from the same tribe...happy birthday dear sabina...i'm so glad that you were born and you are here...
I'll take it too Wave, love you.
Posted by: lynnie | May 31, 2011 at 11:54 PM
Hi Wave - do you get these? LOL - I appreciate the updates on your condition. Hang in there and know you have so many people in your life that love you and appreciate who you are, just the way you are and you don't have to apologize for anything - you're a very special person to me and anyone who knows you!! I love you
Posted by: Michelle McKeown | June 04, 2011 at 01:01 PM