we were at the beach yesterday. delicious, but way too hot for me. i had to leave mitchell on the sand and walk into town and get under a tree.
i'm hyper aware that i haven't blogged in over a week. it's like a job i've created for myself and not working makes me feel guilty.
by trying to avoid my cancer talk, i've created a-void...so what to do?
should i share one of my strangest symptoms ever...how every so often i feel like a big drop of liquid has fallen on my leg...i reach down and it is completely dry. how's that for weird.
or that the physician's assistant assured me the other day that i'd be on this drug for a quite awhile, even though my tumor markers are rising. i can't forget that she's the one who was "sure" my skin mets were not skin mets...i know she means well, and wants me to feel positive and hopeful....or perhaps she wants to feel positive and hopeful...either way, on my end, i felt jinxed when she said she was "sure".
i don't want to write about my weight again, or that i've now crossed over the 180 mark which once seemed so awful...oh, for the good old days...
or do i talk about the friend i once had and how she keeps showing up in my dreams. how it makes me wonder if we are we supposed to reconnect instead of keeping that door closed...how am i supposed to know these things...
i don't want to bother you with the politics at work and how that may render me without any consultant money in the "future"...or my dillemna about even fighting for my program future when it may be a moot point...
do i talk more about all the television i watch, admit to never missing american idol...but never voting for any contestants and not caring at all who wins...what does that say about moi?
i've got to stop mentioning oprah, oh, except for this one thing...i saw her show on the freedom riders and it moved me bigtime...such bravery in the peeps on the bus. very different than what happens these days, people shouting u.s.a while drinking their beers...oy...
so, i guess it's back to square one...tell 'em all about it, but try not to be completely defined by any of it...
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