it's all relative, isn't it...

i don't know where to begin. what a week...the sweetest part was having matthew here...i love this little boy... (but you know that already). he was a pleasure to be with and i'll post videos and tell stories soon. right now, i'm just gonna vent...feel free to skip this post if you don't need to hear one more lousy thing about life...

it was especially hard for us to send our little nephew home, because he doesn't have a home anymore. he's being dragged from one bad situation to another, one eviction to the next... he is such a compassionate kid.  he worries about his family and loves them so much. i'm the one filled with anger at his father and his mother...

i  know what it's like to be raised by unstable parents.  we were evicted when i was a kid, but at least we only had to change schools once. my nephew hasn't gotten through one whole year at any school, ever...and none of this is due to "hard times", which would be understandable...nope, his father works, but won't pay his bills...so, while professing love for his kids, he continues to do absolutely nothing to ensure their stability, education, or safe home life...the cycle just goes on and on...and there's nothing anyone can do about it...as he'll tell you, they're "his"... 

i've worked with inner city youth for a long time...i know that children would rather be with their parents than anywhere else, regardless of what is going on in the home. my brother will not go through treatment for his addicitons. he is absolutely uninterested in changing...and he won't give his kids a chance with anyone else...and believe it or not, he's the one who has custody...

what a complete juxtaposition from my older brother...he and his wife received a devastating diagnosis about their little boy this week...and they have done and will continue do anything for his well being...there's absolutely no question about it...

all day the lyrics to "family affair" have been rolling around in my head..."one child grows up to be somebody who just loves to learn and another child grows up to be somebody you'd just love to burn"...not very nice, i know, but that's what i'm feeling...

and now a bit about my cancer situation...i met with the oncologist the day before my nephew came.  i told her that i am done with chemo.  she said that bone mets is a lousy way to die.  her mother died that way, and it was drawn out and very painful. i asked for meds to help me with the pain.  i never realized that it's actually easier to die from liver or lung mets (but i do have a liver met, so is that a good-ish thing in the long run)

anyway, we decided that i'd try one more hormone, faslodex, which is given by injection...my appointment is tomorrow (sigh, fear, nerves)....we won't even know if it is helping stabilize the cancer for a few months. the odds are against it,  but you neva, neva know.  i'm nervous about the side effects, but i guess it's worth a try.  i also agreed to have a shot of a new drug called xgeva to strengthen my bones.  i was going to have both at the same time, but after hearing from other women on my bc website, i'm gonna wait a few weeks before doing that, to see how i handle the faslodex. i'm at high risk for a pathological fracture, and that gives me the willies, and my willies give me the willingness to try the drug. both are supposed to be taken once a month...so, perhaps more to tell later...  

and finally, i was so involved with my visitor, that i wasn't watching or reading the news.  i'm only now understanding the enormity of what is happening in japan...whew, that puts everything into perspective, doesn't it?...

amidst all the suffering, and all the devastation, i'm struck by the dignity and heroism of the japanese people. as they wait patiently in lines for food and water, they do not lose their humanity...they know they are all in it together, and that there are more important things than saving oneself...the bravery of those who risk their lives to help their fellow humans is so inspiring...may we all learn from the integrity of these people living through such great loss...i don't know what else to say...

Comments

[Debora]

my heart aches for...Matthew and Wave and older brothers child and japan.