hair today - gone from orange

if you know me you know i am hair challenged...i've written about this before.  the other day i tried a new person, who came highly recommended, very nice, and very cool looking...i told her to use her best artistic sense, colorwise...she said she wanted to make it pop...it popped...i left with orange hair. not all orange, just enough that orange is what you mostly see.  i admit i'm not great at visuals but i don't generally like orange hair...and the cost of this new look, 140 buckaroos...when i stopped in at the office the next day, no one said a word...not a good sign. in fact i'm pretty sure i registered shock on the office manager's face...so today i went to walgreens for some loreal ash brown...this was not on the advice of anyone, in fact it was against the advice of everyone... when mitchell left for the gym i mentioned that i'd be dying my hair...he said a lot of words, most of them meaning insane...as i was washing the dye off i noticed a strawlike feeling to my locks...there was a moment of self induced terror that it might all fall out...the irony wasn't lost on me...no chemo - bald from neurosis...

meanwhile, yesterday we got to the doctor's office right on time-11:30.  on the way to the toll booth, we were backended - again...can you believe it...20 years not an accident, 2 months - 2 accidents...i'm looking for meaning here.  we were already in a lousy mood from that when we heard that the doctor was running about 45 minutes late...ok, not a big deal.  about an hour after that we were put in a smaller waiting room...the nurse practitioner, the one i don't particularly like, came in and asked all the usual questions.  i had my list for the doctor, but the nurse wanted to know too...and she had opinions, which generally don't hold much water with me...after she left we waited... and waited, and by 2:15 we had had it... and we left.  i never saw the doctor.  mitchell and i were so hungry and irritable by then.  but as soon as we stepped outside of the hospital and felt the warm air, we were free.  mitchell said, " i'd rather die"... and frankly, even though that might be how it goes,  i agreed...i forgive a little lateness, but i don't understand this impossible double booking they do...this morning i wrote an email to the oncologist with all my questions.  as of yet, no response.  mitchell thinks i should change doctors, and i know he's probably right...i'm just overwhelmed when i think about starting again with someone new.  you should see my file...veddy big...but what's the point of a brilliant oncologist who you never get to see, and only sporadically responds to your emails.  as far as medicine goes,  i am leaning toward going back on the hormone treatment tamoxifen...although i haven't seen or heard any evidence that it will work again...it's possible that i can get some time from it though, because we think i may have gone off it a little earlier than necessary... the nurse did give me a scare when she said the lesion had grown a full cm in the last 7 months...and even my chiropracter friend thought it was time to take a treatment again...but she has a bias about spine integrity...i still don't understand how one scan report says stable and one says cancer progression...i know you have to err on the side of progression...but damn...what a confusing trip this is...