every once in awhile mitchell prints out something for me to read. most of the time he forwards stuff, but when he prints it, i pay better attention. it was a recent article of deepok chopra's strategies for dealing with fear, and it got me to thinkin...
up until my early twenties, i was relatively courageous - i wasn't always tripping over my worries and fears. but when i was 24, i began having anxiety attacks. i didn't know what they were at the time, but i sure suffered from them...it usually started when i was eating...i'd begin to have a sensation like i was choking, and then i'd panic, hyperventilate, and often end up in the emergency room. doctors never found anything wrong, but a number of them recommended i see a therapist. i was losing a lot of weight quickly and becoming way too skinny. everything i ate was a potential death sentence, so i stayed with custard, ice cream, and pureed things...little by little my life turned into one great big fear-fest. every kind of phobia developed. when i finally couldn't take it anymore i started seeing a therapist, whose office was right across the street. first of all, she put a name on what was happening to me, and showed me the diagnosis in a textbook. it helped to see that other people had this too...and i began delving into why...in those days i was so invested in being nice and being liked that i was pushing down what i really felt or wanted to say (hence the choking), plus there were other emotional wounds to look at - things i found hard to swallow. eventually there came a point when i got so sick of being of afraid of death that i just surrendered...i said okay, i'm tired of living like this, so just kill me...but i didn't die...and over time i began eating normally, and not being quite so afraid of life. my therapist moved to israel, and i went back to school to become a therapist just like her, and help neurotic people, just like me.
it's been many years since then, and i fluctuate with more or less fear, depending on whether i'm on or off "the beam". (the beam being something akin to the correct path)...when the actors studio host asks the question to his guest..."if there is a heaven, what would you like god to say when you arrive"... i've always known my answer..."safe at last". i often relate to life like it's one big obstacle course or dangerous neighborhood. hypervigilence is sure not a peaceful way to live... and things are even more complicated now. i can't hide from what is happening inside, and now it's real...i don't want to be afraid of my own body, no matter what is going on in it. i'm not someone who wants to parachute out of an airplane just because i have a death sentence, but i do want to live my life with love being the main reason for my choices, not fear.
here are the words of advice mitchell printed out for me:
"Fear deprives people of choice. Fear shrinks the world into isolated, defensive enclaves. Fear spirals out of control. Fear makes everyday life seem clouded with danger." (yup)
While fear is a natural response to danger, particularly in a time where that danger is pervasive we need to bring our best ideas, plans and strategies for making sure that everyone survives the storm. It is in times of crisis that humans are able to live our very best selves, to take a little bit less for ourselves so that someone else may have some, to get imaginative and find a way for everyone to find a place at the table.
Combatting fear can be tough thing to do. As a starting point, try one of these four strategies for living more fully.
1. Thank your intuition for the fear. Acknowledging the alarm bells, rather than denying them or distracting yourself from them, allows you to make a choice about what to do next.
2. Check into the present moment. Our fears are often anticipatory. They are rooted in things that might happen. We might lose our jobs. We might get sick. Check in with what is going on right now. If you are worried about losing your job, are you still working? Do you have good health right now? A place to live? Food to eat? If so, be grateful for what you have in this moment.
3. Imagine how you would like to be in your life. If you are feeling fearful, give yourself a moment to imagine yourself feeling very confident, calm, loving and connected to those around you. You are capable of handling whatever situations may arise. Let yourself experience this as concretely as possible imagining the position of your body as you stand confidently, the warmth of the sun on your skin. Lots of research has shown that visualizing like this makes it way easier to act in the ways you want to.
4. Connect, connect, connect. In times of fear, we tend to disconnect from others, to collapse in ourselves, to try to do it all alone. Unfortunately, not only do we do harm to ourselves by thinking we can weather the storm alone but also to our friends and family who are feeling fearful to and desperately need us to connect to them. We are tribal creatures who are at our best (and sometimes our worst) when we are together. Remembering this and allowing yourself to connect to others can at least make the storm a lot less lonely to weather.